One on one by yourself

So today sort of started a new leaf in the Refuge chapter.
Dan asked us to go have some time to ourselfs to connect
with God by either, writing, praying, drawing ect.

So this is what i wrote: Sitting out here, the breeze lightly playing with my
hair a rustling of the pages of Susan's bible that i've come to
recgonize over the years. I can't help but
wonder...more so, question the ability to fathom how all of this came to
be what it is now. I hear the crickets chirping
jubilantly in the meadow, the soft playful sound of a sparrow in
the distance. I see the warm honey colored ferns & a touch
of purple painted in the sky as the sun slowly sets ending
another undescribable day.

How did this all come to be?

They say in the beginning of time God created the Earth, Moon, & Stars. He created living things, emotion, earthly laws. I feel that because I am mearly human it is an implausible wish to want to know how it all happened.

[But oh I yearn to know]

Oh how i do so yearn, I fight & question all I have been told, searching for the answers to the unanswerable.

Why DO I feel like this? Why is this like it is?

Ect...

I suppose the two largest, most inpending questions that are most certanly always at least in the back of my very muddles brain are:

What happens when you Die?
[&of course the beginning topic of this little rant of mine]
How did this all come to be exactly?

I wish I could know, I wish I could have home and longing for eternity like so many of my peers in Christ My family... But sometimes I question it all. Question you Lord. I know people struggle, but I feel like the only one
[Yes, I agree that is the most self centered thought ever]
So here's my question for anyone that is out there listening:
How do you unself-center yourself and start Christ orienting your thoughts? How do we heed his beckoning voice that is forever calling out to us?

REVELATION 22:1-6

1Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb 2down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. 3No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. 4They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. 5There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever. 6The angel said to me, "These words are trustworthy and true. The Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, sent his angel to show his servants the things that must soon take place."

Fire & Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

This year I'm taking Advanced American Literacy. Robert Frost's poem; Fire and Ice, is just one of the many incredible works of art in this huge bohemouth of a book that I've been given for the course of the year. Over a thousand pages of literary genious. All for me to study & revel over. This is one of the few classes I'm really bouncing off the walls excited for. [Unlike the dreadful...Level 2 Team Sports,I had enough of that bullshit during soccer season thanks.] So in place of that I'm really hoping that maybe on some successful little whim of niceness provided by my counselor, and a little back up by Mrs. Haskins I can switch it to Advanced Journalism, or something along the lines of the newspaper class.
[I'm sure she would be elated to hear that I can actually be on the newspaper staff this year]

The other aspect of this year that I'm looking forward to delving most of my designated [Geometry & Chemistry homework] time into is photography. Although I was a little dissapointingly put into Photo 1...for sheer annoyance to the aspiring photographers who are slightly more advanced in the workings of a camera than....well almost everyone that will be in the class. [what are ya gonna' do?]

Uhg...Alton Brown really irks me sometimes, not so much on Iron Chef...but on Good Eats....ooh...I just wanna wring his scrawney, neck untill all the nerdy just flows out onto the floor to be mopped up by his face. Sorry, random thought. Anyways While I'm on this food network topic, I've also decided that I watch more food network than anyone that goes to Howell High...or lives in Howell for that matter Thouh I get a plethera of ideas from some of the shows. & intresting names for oils....[Thank you Rachel Ray]
[I'm also drinking myself half to death with coffee right now...because I just realized 2 years. & read some old stuff & I cant forgive myself]Also because I have to leave in like 3 hours to go to fucking marching band practice.
This one will be pretty intresting, everyone has gotten to be very bratty and we need a little attitude adjustment. So we'll see how our pow-wow goes post-rehersal.

[My world seems to be engulfed in ice as the fire inside is trying
to escape. But in some otherworldy way it is being slowly suppressed...but trying, always trying to find a way]

It's all blind...everything

Love is truly blind It clouds the strongest of minds
It stops you from seeing the most obvious of signs
Thats why love is so painful, To find when one you
cherish leaves, You are helpless. For love is like an
arrow that strikes the heart. When they leave
you that arrow is plucked from your heart, and all that
is left is thisgaping seething hole A void of love Which
can never be filled. You become cold, not feeling or caring
For the only feeling you have left at all is loss.
For all of this is never seen coming
That is why love is truly blind.

"You can hide the pain that you feel and make others
believe that you can move on. But you can never deny the truth to yourself that the person who has failed you and hurt you is still the person you'll always choose to love."

Today wasen't one of the best days...
I did finish the band shirt design finally, so Smigell is going to come over to pick that up in the morning and ship it off to the guy before he leaves for the weekend. Basically that's all I did was drink coffee, watch Boondock Saints, & Draw today.
Some other shit went down, but whatever...It's not that important.

Anyways, I guess this'll just be a short entry because I'm tired & my hand is killing me tonight.

So take care,
Untill tomorrow.

Light Sabers, Banana Homebrew, & Beer Pong; Oh My! o_o

You know what is really fun?

Playing a few games of beer pong, & then having an epic Light Saber battle royal at 2:30am. So that's basically what I did last night. We also went and pretty much stole Adam from his house because his parents have been kinda dumb lately. So now Homeboy and I are the reigning champions in pong, wipeing out all the competition with ease. Having chaser beers
as we went lol.

[Even though our homebrew had a slight taste of bananas....ew]

When we went to bed though, apparently Eric & I fell asleep together on the couch so it
was really akward when I woke up with him curled up next to me....

At 8:30 he had to take the Leachface home though so me and Lauren streched out all our kinks from sleeping

[they're playing sell out in
the men's beach vollyball finals
bahaha!sorry back to story]

on the couches in weird positions and drove over to McDonalds only to be harrassed by the stupid worker lady who couldn't speak a word of decent English for the life of her.

So then I went home, took a shower and passed out on the couch again untill I had to leave for marching band rehersal, then afterwords went to Adam's for the grad party his parents were throwing for him. [I almost hit a wee bunny on the way there :( ]
So we played ultimate the majority of the time, I got my light saber with sith spikes.

[so much better than Lauren & Eric's]

& then got chased by a buggy on the way home lol.

So that was my last 38 hours or so.
Oh & guess what I just found out?
The woman's 20k speed walking finals are on....speed walking...it's an olympic...sport...really?
That's almost as bad a ping pong and hand ball...

Allright well I'm going to go watch Boondock Saints.
Night all

"Were all gambling with fate, will you take a chance or will you walk away? The choice is yours, and the consiquence is the same"

Passions

Let's Do the Fork in the Garbage Disposal

Last night I busted my chops untill around 5AM so honestly my hand swelled up overnight to like...the size of a small minivan. So that made drumline quite a treat today. Luckily we just kind of goofed off the entire time.

We also got a new start to the cadence which is pretty much one of the most hallarious things...ever.
Adam & Lauren also showed up which slowed things down a bit more. Specially when he flipped G-MO.

[*flip* MARINE CORPS!! *wimper*]

& yes, we got it on video tape muwaha.

Then everyone went their seperate ways and me, Lauren, & Adam hung out in the loading dock for a while in the back of my car, talking, playing with light sabers, beating up Adam. XD
[nothing new there]
Then Eric came and as we were about to head off to Wallmart to get mind & Adam's green lightsabers....my car...
DIED

-caput
-everything locked up
-wont even turn on

*sigh*
We ended up having to call Brandon to come out and jump my car since it's stupid.

[Actually it was completely my fault since
I left a door open while I was waiting for
everyone to get to my sectional]

I'm pretty sure while we were waiting for Brandon to get there, as well as stealing Eric's wallet quite successfully if I do say so myself, I smoked like half a pack since I was freaking out so much....

[stupid car]

Finally got home after I got hit on by the cute guy
in the Burger King drive through. so about the only other thing that
happened
today was that I bought suckers for everyone in drumline, but
that's it.

The End.

Beardy is now Baldy?

Well, I'm Back from band camp, with a few too many stories to share, a few morea pains, and a few more good times. So basically when I got home I crashed all day friday, and then almost all day Saturday.

Then headed over to Ian's to see my homeboy ADAM TYLER LEACH!! He just came back from Marine Boot Camp in South Carolina, & boy was it great to see him . . Though I honestly thought he was someone else when I first saw him, not realizing it was him untill we all got to Taco Bell paha.

Go me {pats self on back}

Anyways so we got to Taco Bell, had a grand ol' time and then Adam, Lauren, Damon, Heather, and Valon all piled into my car to go snag some "fucking cups" [tee-hee] for Ian & then headed back to his house to celebrate the return of our brother!

This is where it gets intresting, so after we each had a beer

[Lauren only had half really, & I slammed mine] we went on a walk around the sub. You know

just chatting girl to girl and whatnot, me telling Lauren about the Puma and Bear in the woods

at band camp and how we almost got eaten the first night at the bonfire. Untill we come across

what looks to be either a large dog, or a puma...yes a puma dammit.

So basically we just stood there, completely perplexed out of our minds as to what it was and

getting more creeped out every moment. Specially after we both saw it move at the same time....

leading to us sprinting back to Ians house.

[Later we found out it was a bush....again, go me]

So we got back to the party, later Adam and Lauren went on a walk by themselves, and Karissa, Heather, lil' Cubr, Andrea, & I went on a walk ourselves. Came back drank, sang horribly to Muse,and partied the night away.

Later all the girls went to Heathers to crash, me and Lauren shared the bottom bunk while Karissa

& Andrea were on the floor. [Now I wish I had taken the floor spot] Because Lauren punches things

in her sleep...mostly me.

So I didn't get any, and almost fell asleep on the way to church this morning. Which would have been bad.

I played congas for the NeedToBreath song we played at offertory this morning, sat in my seat and almost

died of exhaustion and then came back home and went to bed.

I'll have to post the major event's of Band Camp happenings later, since I'm still exhausted for some reason.

So soon I'll have that up.

This Epidemic

hope (noun)

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a
certain thing to happen
2. a person or thing that may help or save
someone
3. grounds for believing that something good may
happen

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue.

Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue from time to time.

To be His body, to fight for things that matter. He is not invisible

when we come alive. I might be simple & not understand

everything that I come across but more and more, I believe God

works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. We are only

asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to

choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers.

We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. I see it as simple, take a broken person, treat them like they are famous, let them feel like they are on top of the world, love them and let them know that they are so loved. Tell them about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, that they were made to dance without a care in the world. Tell them that god loves them & know in your heart that all of these things are true. We can make a difference. People are so wrapped up in there day to day lives that they don't notice how much they could do. They say that they've never seen God work through anyone or witnessed his love.This is our chance...Go out and do some good in the world, we may not succeed, we may fail miserably. But if for one fleeting second you make someone know that they are loved and cared for. That they mean something in this world, & you give them hope....that is the greatest feeling on the planet, and is the best cure for this epidemic that our society is suffering from. It's a long road butall is not lost, we can make it if we try.

"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and
clouds.
We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We
have hope."

The Forbidden Fruit Tastes the Sweetest

I've been pondering for a while, as I'm sure almost every girl in the world that has read Twilight has;

"Why is it that I can't seem for the life of me to find my Edward Cullen?" Edward, who is so polite, so mysterious, so completely in love with Bella Swan that he would give his 'life' for hers, do anything she asked,

Would not live if she did not.

[Actually I don't even think love is in the same rank as what they have between them, it's something so much more. So much deeper than that overrated term of love]

So perfect in EVERY way, that he has thousands of girls drooling over him, daydreaming, doodling in their journals....practically falling head over heels for this fictional character.

[Me sadly being one of them, though I haven't yet gotten to that journal point...I just blog hehe]

I've done alot of oggling and searching for that one guy, but not yet have I

even seen one man to be that dedicated to someone. Sure you get the few couples

who are inseperable, but no one I've met has really been so...just amazing, to put

it bluntly.

So whoever reads this, & has read Twilight [or not] I have a question for you:

Who is your Edward Cullen? [imaginary or real] & how do you invision
Edward...not taking the movie actor into account [just pretend he dosen't exist]

OK ready...GO!

OCB: Obsessive Compulsive Blogger

Well I'm almost 100% positive that I completely suck at this blog thing. I think I've written & erased about ten different entries in the last two hours. Typing at least 4 paragraphs before I realize...

"Huh....that sounds horribly...[insert negative adjective here]...delete!"
* Can anyone say perfectionest? *

On another note; I suppose today was a pretty normal day:

• Wake up
• Watch TV
• Take a shower
• Ignore persistant phone calls from ex boyfriend
• Hang out with friends
• Come back home
• Obsessivly check facebook
• Pretend to sleep
• Wash rinse & repeat.

Nothing too out of the ordinary. Suz, Sarah, & I hung out uptown for a little while at the Peace Fest....which to be completely honest was pretty lame. Seeing as though half the band's drummers couldn't keep tempo even if they had a metronome shoved so far up their ass that it reverberated through every fiber of their body.

Then went & saw Step Brothers with Sarah, which made me laugh so hard I almost wet myself a few times. [I am slightly perplexed by the amount of male frontal nudity that is making it's way into new movies nowadays] Oh and then I almost gave myself a freakishly pre-mature heart attack because I thought I lost my keys....but of course, I just left them in the car...because that even makes any amount sense whatsoever.

&Now I'm oggling the insanely good looking Venezuelan Men's Volly Ball team. Allright, well now back to practicing our show music so I can make my hand even more useless than It allready is at the moment.

Goodnight all.

Beijing & Tendonitis

"One World One Dream"

That is the slogan of this year's Olympic Games
This fully reflects the essence & the universal values
of the Olympic spirit

Unity, Friendship, Progress, Harmony, Participation and Dream.

It expresses the common wishes of people all over
the world, inspired by the Olympic ideals:
To strive for a bright future of peace for Mankind.

-Peace: [noun]
1.the normal,
nonwarring condition of a nation, group
of nations, or the world.
2. freedom of the mind from
annoyance, distraction,
anxiety, tranquillity; serenity.
3.silence;
stillness

How we all long for peace. Be it the quiet serenity of the forest as you walk alone, taking in the beautiful creations around you. Or even the common unity of nations in the 2008 Beijing Olymipcs. How is it that us humans, fully capable of being civil & loving towards one another, have fallen so far?

Scenes of destruction and peril arise everywhere as we scour this earth of ours.
Soldiers comming home from war & killing their wifes, children being strapped to bombs
with promises of eternity & happiness finding only death, governments killing those who
oppose anything they decree, women being slaughtered for being anymore than a slave.

Genocide, War, Killing, Hate, Death....
[How long will it go on?]

We see small glimpses of hope in some places.
The unity of all nations in the renowed Olympic games. Visiting with each other,
hugging, shaking hands. China's flag holder [Yao Ming] Marching the National parade
with the 9 year old Lin Hao [Who's become somewhat of a national hero in China]
bringing up the back of this momentious event.

But then again, even in my own family I see the hate.
"EW, mom look, Iraq & Iran are walking next to each other.
They shouldn't even be able to compete should they? They are stupid"
Are we, the United States of America waging war against the 'feared
badmitton players of Iraq?' I think not.
It saddens me.
Immensly, that we as a human race are so narrow minded, that we can't seem to exist
side by side. Without our testosterone getting the better of us and killing everything that
dares to oppose us?

BOOM!


headshot...
Night