One on one by yourself

So today sort of started a new leaf in the Refuge chapter.
Dan asked us to go have some time to ourselfs to connect
with God by either, writing, praying, drawing ect.

So this is what i wrote: Sitting out here, the breeze lightly playing with my
hair a rustling of the pages of Susan's bible that i've come to
recgonize over the years. I can't help but
wonder...more so, question the ability to fathom how all of this came to
be what it is now. I hear the crickets chirping
jubilantly in the meadow, the soft playful sound of a sparrow in
the distance. I see the warm honey colored ferns & a touch
of purple painted in the sky as the sun slowly sets ending
another undescribable day.

How did this all come to be?

They say in the beginning of time God created the Earth, Moon, & Stars. He created living things, emotion, earthly laws. I feel that because I am mearly human it is an implausible wish to want to know how it all happened.

[But oh I yearn to know]

Oh how i do so yearn, I fight & question all I have been told, searching for the answers to the unanswerable.

Why DO I feel like this? Why is this like it is?

Ect...

I suppose the two largest, most inpending questions that are most certanly always at least in the back of my very muddles brain are:

What happens when you Die?
[&of course the beginning topic of this little rant of mine]
How did this all come to be exactly?

I wish I could know, I wish I could have home and longing for eternity like so many of my peers in Christ My family... But sometimes I question it all. Question you Lord. I know people struggle, but I feel like the only one
[Yes, I agree that is the most self centered thought ever]
So here's my question for anyone that is out there listening:
How do you unself-center yourself and start Christ orienting your thoughts? How do we heed his beckoning voice that is forever calling out to us?

REVELATION 22:1-6

1Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb 2down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. 3No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. 4They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. 5There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever. 6The angel said to me, "These words are trustworthy and true. The Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, sent his angel to show his servants the things that must soon take place."